All Twilight Wants To Do Is Futterwacken Flash Sentry
by Darkryt Orbinautz
Summary: All Twilight Sparkle wants to do is do "the futterwacken dance" with Flash Sentry. Is that too much to ask? Is that really too much to ask? Apparently, the universe thinks so. And so does the alternate universe. Warnings: mature content. A request by someone.


**Disclaimer: I don't actually like Flash Sentry, so don't judge me. This was a request, mmmkay?**

**This story is the work of Darkryt Orbinautz.  
**

**A My Little Pony Fanfiction**

**"All Twilight Wants Is To Futterwacken Flash Sentry"**

* * *

Gazing up at the star-sprinkled sky outside, her knees resting on the windowsill, Twilight Sparkle let out a sigh.

Recently, she became a Princess. More recently, she went to an alternate universe where everypony was lame, stupid, magic-less humans to retrieve her Element of Magic, this super-important magical artifact that was the first and last line between the freedom of her homeworld of Equestria and the forces of chaos.

It was an experience that was both terrible and enlightening. On one hand, alternate universe! Traveling to faraway lands! Discovery that fundamentally altered scientific (yes, the magic, sparkly ponies used science) understanding of the universe! On the other hand, she was stuck in an unfamiliar world without her magic, could have been stuck there for a long, long time, and had to engage in a petty popularity contest for 15-year-olds at a prom that would quickly lose meaning to her once she returned home where important problems awaited her. Problems like reforming chaos gods, defending her home from evil-amulet fueled arrogant unicorns, and studying. Not things like proms, zits, and dating.

But there was one thing from that bizarre, magic-deprived world that stood out to her. One thing she wanted in her world that was not in her world. That boy. That boy with the spiky blue hair like a flame, and wicked guitar-playing skills. She wished he could have come with her. She wished he would be here. Maybe she could learn more about him, like if he was really as boring and bland as he seemed to be at first brush. Maybe he was really was devoid of personality, so then she could imprint on him and make him whatever personality she wanted him to have.

She sighed again. So many fantasies, so many thoughts, none of which would ever come to fruition beyond distracting her from her royal duties.

* * *

Far, far away, deep into the night sky, Princess Luna, the Princess of the Night, noticed Twilight Sparkle's dreams. As Princess of the Night, peering into the dreams of everypony was her responsibility. And looking into Twilight's dreams, she determined to bring the blue-haired objections of her affections over into this world for her to ravage and do as she wished.

Because while Equestria may have faced as many terrifying threats like the Changelings, Nightmare Moon, and Discord, their entire security network would fall apart if just one of the representatives of the Elements of Harmony was sexually-frustrated.

Perhaps they should invest in a security network that was more than just six random girls with magical necklaces. And no, the Royal Guard doesn't count. They're all useless.

* * *

"Are you sure about this, sister?" Celestia asked, awaiting Twilight Sparkle's arrival into the Crystal Castle, where the magic mirror rested.

"Of course I'm sure!" Luna responded. "A sexually-flustered heroine is far better than a sexually-frustrated one!"

Celestia's mouth held open, wordless. "I ... don't know how to respond to that."

"Think about it, sister!" Luna said. "We all know the real reason you wanted Discord reformed was so that you could pin him to your bed and relight old flames."

Celestia blushed. "That – that is not – I don't – you -"

Luna leveled her eyebrow.

"True." Celestia hung her head. "But what about you? What do you do to get some ... release?"

Now it was Luna's turn to blush. "Oh, um, well ... you know how I walk about in ponies' dreams?"

"Uh-huuuh ..."

"Well, since last Nightmare Night, some of their dreams have been very ... flattering of me."

Celestia held her hoof out. "Okay, no, no. Stop. Say no more. Ugh. No."

"You should try it sometime!" Luna said. "I'll take you along!"

"I-I'm good, thanks." Or so Celestia said, but she looked traumatized by this knowledge.

"I'm here!" Twilight announced, emerging through the crystal doors. Celestia was thankful for Twilight's arrival, as it meant Luna wouldn't have the chance to say something else inappropriate. "You wanted to see me, Princesses?"

"Indeed we did!" Luna said.

Celestia glared. ""We"?"

"Come!" Luna gestured, levitating the black book of Star Swirl the Bearded. The same one with the spell Twilight used to swap her friends' Cutie Marks and destinies around.

Twilight grimaced. If Luna had that book out, then whatever she was planning could not possibly end well. Still, she loyally followed Luna and Celestia to the room where the mirror portal to the alternate universe.

"Why are we at the mirror?" Twilight asked. "There are still several moons before it opens again . . ."

Luna patted Twilight's back. "Fret not, Twilight Sparkle. We have seen your plight, and we have resolved to fix it."

"As this is probably going to end horribly, I would like to clarify it's all Luna's idea and absolve myself of any responsibility." Celestia said.

Luna humphed.

"Plight?" Twilight asked. "What plight?"

"The plight where you are constantly salivating over the thought of one ... Crash Pantry? Or something. Point is, I've walked into your dreams and seen you lusting after him like a some teenage schoolgirl."

Twilight blushed, stepping backwards. "His-his name is Flash Sentry and- and- and ... Luna! That is a terrible invasion of my personal space!"

"Perhaps, but be honest. If I have a way to unite you and Mister Sentry so you can get him under you, are you really going to say no?"

Twilight thought about it. "Not really, no."

"Then we shall proceed!" Luna turned to the mirror, book held aloft.

"How exactly are you going to get through?" Twilight wondered.

"It's simple! Think of the mirror as being like a door. Now, imagine that the door is locked."

"Okay." Twilight closed her eyes. "I'm imagining it."

Luna leaned in, leering. Twilight felt Luna's breath and poked one eye open.

"Yes?"

"Pardon me, Twilight. I just don't think you're imagining hard enough."

""Imagining hard enough"? ... yes, okay, I'm imagining, I'm imagining!" Twilight scrunched her eyes shut.

"Hmm." Luna did not seem satisfied, but she continued. "Now, imagine that the door's lock only happens every thirtieth moon."

"Okay?"

Luna held the book up. "With this book, we are going to take a hammer to the lock and break it."

"Oh, um ... Princess Luna, that doesn't sound like the best idea . . ."

"Nonsense!" Luna dismissed. "It'll be fine. Watch." Luna cleared her throat and began reading from the book a chant. Purple smoke emerged from the book's pages which slowly spread throughout the room, clogging up the floor.

"Um, Luna, I don't think . . ."

Luna motioned for Twilight to shush, concentrating on the chant. She continued reading. Eventually, the smoke began to coalesce around the mirror, rearing up like a cobra ready to strike. The smoke did strike, going through the mirror like an octopus lashing out.

The mirror began to rattle and shimmy. Electric arcs traveled up and down its body. The mirror then spewed out puffs of strangely-colored clouds, which attached to the walls and expanded until they were large portals. Circular swirls of purple, black, and green dotted the room, with blue lightning spewing forth from the portals as Luna's chant ripped a tear through the dimensional fabric of reality that could very well cause the multiverse to collapse on itself

But she was doing it for love, so it was totally okay, right?

"There!" Luna said, dropping the book while thunder and lightning ominously poured out from the bizarre portals. She turned to Twilight. "Go on. The mirror should be open now."

"Umm . . ." Twilight wasn't so sure. "Are you sure you don't need to me, like, get the Elements of Harmony or something?"

"It's fine!" Luna assured her.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" A deep voice shouted from one of the portals.

"Umm ... "

"It's fine!" Luna repeated. "Get in there!" Disregarding Twilight's protest, Luna lifted her up with her legs and hurled Twilight through the mirror. Twilight went straight through it, going back into the familiar tunnel of magic energy. But as she left Equestria, she could dimly make a green tentacle emerging from one of the portals and Celestia telling ("yelling at", really) Luna to do something.

Twilight was unceremoniously dumped on her bottom in the same area she did last time she was here. She got to her feet and dusted herself off, checking over herself to make sure she was in one piece. Hands, arms, legs, certain ... feminine mammalian attributes for seducing Flash Sentry with, head. Yup. She was good to go.

"Hey!" A familiar squeaky voice called out. "Is that Twilight Sparkle?"

Twilight smiled, happy to see the Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash of this alternate universe. They ran up to her.

"Where you been, man?" Dash asked, pumping her fists.

"Um, on Equestria?"

"Oh, yeah." Dash slapped her head. "Stupid me. Hey, wasn't there some sort of time thing, like, the portal only opens once every so many moons or something?"

"Yes, there was, but Princess Luna found a way to get past that."

Dash tilted her head to the side, looking over Twilight's shoulder. "Does that explain ... well, that?" She pointed.

Twilight looked behind her to see the same portals and similar tentacles slowly oozing their way out from the mirror.

"Yes, yes it does." Twilight answered.

"Should we, I don't know, call the cops or something?"

"Eehee ... maybe. Only if it gets to be a problem. Now if you'll excuse me, there's someone in particular I want to see."

"Got it!" Dash snapped her fingers and winked. She looped her arm around Twilight's neck. "You came back to check on how Sunset Shimmer was doing!"

"What? No, I -"

"Relax." Dash said, dragging Twilight along. "She's been doing fine, but just so you can see for yourself, I'll take you to her."

"No, Rainbow Dash, I didn't -"

"Blah blah blah. C'mon!"

Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. Still, she decided she might as well come along to see how Sunset was doing. Princess Celestia would appreciate an update, and ... perhaps leaving five girls to handle someone who had recently demonstrated many psychotic, sociopath, narcissist, megalomania and just plain "being a pain in the Cutie Mark" traits and expecting them to be able to reform her was not the best idea.

Here goes nothing!

Rainbow Dash steered Twilight into the school building and towards the cafeteria. Twilight looked around, occasionally waving back when someone recognized her.

In the cafeteria, Twilight saw Rarity and Sunset Shimmer having an animated chat at their lunch table. They both stopped and fell silence when she and Dash approached, though.

"Hey guys!" Dash waved at them, throwing Twilight into the vacant seat. "Twilight here came back from Equestria to check up on how Sunset's doing?"

"I didn't, really."

Sunset was confused. "But … it hasn't been anywhere near thirty moons. How did you get here?"

"Oh, well ... Princess Luna forced it open." Twilight explained with a smile.

"I'll go get you something to eat." Dash patted Twilight's back and left. Twilight nervously smiled at Sunset and Rarity.

"Sooo!" Twilight drawled, unsure of what to say. "How have you been doing, Sunset?"

"Oh, you know. Fine." Sunset said, glancing at Rarity.

"Fine? How fine is fine?"

"Fine."

"Fine fine?"

"Yes, fine."

"Like, REALLY fine though, or just "I'm fine" fine?"

Rarity blinked several times. "Please stop. You're making my head hurt."

"Fine." Twilight groaned.

"Gah!" Rarity clutched her head and collapsed against the table.

Sunset patted her back and glared at Twilight. "Now look what you did!"

Twilight wasn't sure what to do. "I'm sorry! I didn't – I guess … um, she'll be fine, won't she?"

Sunset was not amused.

"Okay, okay!" Twilight threw her arms in the air. "I won't say 'fi-," er, the 'f-word' any more."

"What's this about f-words?" Dash asked, returning and presenting Twilight with a tray of food. She looked at Sunset. "Are you in trouble with the Principal for swearing in class?"

"No, no. I'll explain later." Sunset waved her off.

Twilight took a bite from the tray, trying to think of something she could say. "How's life been?"

"Life?" Sunset said. "It's been pretty good, actually."

"Good, good. Your friends treating you okay?"

Sunset gave Rarity a thoughtful glance. "More than you can imagine."

"That's good to hear!" Twilight slammed her fork down and applauded. "Rarity's been giving you plenty of gifts, I take it?"

"That's … one way to put it." Rarity grinned forcefully, which Twilight didn't pick up on.

"Right." Twilight said between munches. "So, um … I hate to be rude, Rarity, but could Sunset and I have a minute alone?"

"Oh, sure. Of course ..." Rarity murmured, getting from the table. Before she left, Sunset took her hand and gave her a stare of longing. They both nodded in understanding, and Rarity departed.

"What was that?" Twilight asked. "Some sort of secret handshake?"

"Yeah, sure." Sunset said quickly, like she was hiding something. Twilight was suspicious, but she decided not to pursue it. That wasn't what she here for anyways.

"Now, Sunset . . ." Twilight said. "I know you used to have a relationship with Flash Sentry ..."

""Used to" being the key words."

"And, well … I-I wouldn't want to be a homewrecker, soo . . ."

Sunset raised her brow. "So what?"

"I, um, that is, to say."

"Spit it out, Twilight Sparkle!"

Twilight took in a deep breath. "Princess Luna helped me get through the mirror because I've been feeling really lonely and she decided it would be best if I could have sex with Flash Sentry!" Twilight exhaled sharply. "Whew! Well, I'm glad that's out."

Sunset, to Twilight's surprise, smiled. "You-you want to have sex with Flash Sentry?"

"Um, yes. Is that okay with you?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Sunset said, shrugging. "After all, he's not my boyfriend." Sunset got up from the table, taking her tray with her and went the same direction as Rarity.

Twilight reached her hand out. "W-wait! Sunset! Are you sure?" But Sunset just ignored her and went on.

"What was that all about?" A male voice asked, and Twilight gasped when she saw him.

There he was! Him! Flash Sentry, the man she came to see, in all of his bland glory! And it totally wasn't creepy for her to love him, what with his given similarities to her own brother! Such as and including; having a two-toned blue hair, being a male she had a strong emotional connection with, being part of the Royal Guard (at least in his Equestrian counterpart) and being utterly useless whenever a _real_ threat showed up.

Twilight squeed (because apparently that's a word now) and hugged Flash Sentry, burying her head in his chest. "Flash Sentry! I'm so happy to see you! You're just the man I've been looking for!"

"I'm flattered, Twilight, really I am, but … what happened with Sunset Shimmer there just awhile go?"

Twilight looked over his shoulder for signs of Sunset. "I dunno." She looked to Flash, giving him a big grin. "But now you and I can slink away together to someplace alone, dark, and secluded."

"Why would we want to do that?"

Twilight sighed. Some ponies just needed everything spelled out for them. "Because I want to have sex with you." Flash's cheeks burned at Twilight being so forward. "Like, really badly."

"How badly?"

"Badly enough that the goddess of night in my home world decided it was worth tearing holes in reality and tempting Lovecraftian beasts if it meant I had the chance to _futterwacken _with you?"

Flash took this in stride, whistling sharply. "That does sound pretty bad." He paused, thinking. "We're not ... on a time limit or something to do it before they break through and cause everyone on both our worlds to go insane?"

"Uh, not that I'm aware of."

"Okay then."

"So ..." Twilight put hands together hopefully. "So you're okay with? You'll ... sleep with me?"

"Yeah, sure! Anything's … worth trying once?" Flash shrugged. "I do like you, Twilight, and honestly, I've been lonely too. I just … I'm not sure Sunset Shimmer is okay with it." He looked around for her.

"Well, she said she was!"

"Twilight, you met her before that debacle with the Element. You know sometimes she says things which aren't really true."

"Ooh." Twilight groaned. "You're right. We should probably double-check. But we shouldn't try to pressure her, either. Hmm."

They looked around for Sunset, calling her name, but there was no answer. They found Rainbow Dash by the doorway and decided to ask her.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash? Do you know where Sunset Shimmer went?"

"Uh, yeah." Dash pointed at the door. "Said she was going to the Carousel Boutique with Rarity."

"Carousel Boutique?" Twilight turned to Flash. "Why would she go there?"

Flash looped his around Twilight's. "Let's go find out."

"Oh!" Twilight giggled. "You're such a gentleman … hey, won't it be bad if you get caught sneaking out of school during school hours?"

"Eh." Flash shrugged. "Lunch break will last awhile. And besides, if a beautiful pony princess from another dimension wants me so bad that another princess will risk the real-life Cthulhu Mythos for us to be carnal together, who am I to say no? Besides, I'm sure Principal Celestia will understand."

Twilight smiled. "C'mon. Let's find Sunset."

* * *

Twilight and Flash easily located the Boutique. Both were nervous as they walked up to the door.

As they walked up, Twilight was gripped suddenly by a fear that if they asked Sunset Shimmer a second time, she would reconsider and tell them no. Perhaps because Sunset realized she still had her own feelings for Flash, or perhaps she would be offended they wouldn't take her at her word and revoke her permission just to spite them.

"You know, Flash, we don't have to ask her ... I mean, we're consenting individuals, right, and you can trust my word, can't you?

Flash took her hands. "Yeah. And I know I can trust you, but … I need to hear it from Sunset herself, okay?"

Twilight nodded. "I understand."

Flash separated and knocked on the door. "Sunset! Sunset, are you in there? I need to ask you something!"

There was no response.

"Hmm." Flash knocked again. When that failed to get anything, he simply took the doorknob in his hand and barged in. "Sunset Shimmer, what's going on with – AIIIIEEEE!"

Twilight was alarmed and rushed in to see what was causing Flash Sentry so much distress. A sight of true horror awaited her.

Sunset Shimmer and Rarity were on the couch, both of them clearly in the middle of undressing, with Sunset's mouth really too close to Rarity's breast that it was impossible she was about to do anything other than suckle and/or bite it.

"Flash?!" Sunset yelled.

"Twilight?!" Rarity followed.

"Oh my. Um, Rarity, Sunset, we're sorry-"

"GET OUT!" The two girls screamed.

"Right. Right. Sorry, sorry." Twilight grabbed Flash Sentry by the shirt and dragged him outside. "Sorry." She said one more time before closing the door.

That _did_ explain why they were so animated before Dash and Twilight met them at the cafeteria, and the longing gazes when Twilight asked Rarity to leave ...

Flash looked traumatized, much to Twilight's annoyance. While she wasn't expecting that Rarity and Sunset would hook up, it wasn't really that big of a deal. Honestly. Two teenage girls! Having lesbian sex! Oh, the horror, the humanity of it all! At least according to the Moral Guardians, and those guys never had their priorities wrong, did they?

"Flash?" Twilight waved her hand in front of his face. "Flash!" She slapped him.

Flash blubbered, coming back to himself. "Okay, yeah, I think Sunset's moved on." he said weakly

"No, no." Twilight said dryly. "She's clearly just using Rarity to mask the fact she still has feelings for you."

Flash bit his lip, looking back at the Boutique. "You think so?"

Twilight sighed. She slapped him again. "You're a nice guy, Flash, but you're also kind of dense. Did you see the look Sunset was giving Rarity before we walked in? She was clearly ready to jump down her throat … or cleavage, I guess."

"Right." Flash conceded. "So, you wanted to do the – what did you call it again, the futterwacken?"

"Yes!"

Flash rubbed the back of his head. "How about my place? My folks are really nice, and I'm sure they'll like you better than Sunset."

"Sounds good!"

* * *

So they went to Flash's house. It was square and painted the same blues as Flash's hair.

Flash knocked on the door, yelling loudly. "Mom! Dad! I'm home!"

His mom answered the door. She had the same look to her as Flash Sentry did. That is to say, someone who was made to look like Shining Armor only not Shining Armor so that it totally wasn't creepy that Twilight had a love "story" with him. Except for being female and older, she totally could have passed for Shining.

"Flash!" His mother said. "Good to see you home again so soon! What brings you around? Who's your friend?"

"Uh, hello." Twilight said nervously.

"Mom, this is Twilight Sparkle. She's visiting from … out of town. Could we crash here until lunch break is over? We want to get to … know each other." Flash smiled knowingly.

"Oh, all right. Just don't your interrupt your father watching T.V. You know how he gets." Flash's mother moved to let them. Flash grabbed Twilight's hand and dragged her along, trespassing between his sitting father and the telly along the way.

"Move, Flash Sentry!"

"Right, sorry, Dad! C'mon." Flash jerked Twilight. He got them to his room.

It was almost as bland as he was. A blue floor, a blue blanket on a white mattress … the only separating from any other bedroom was a poster and a guitar case.

"It may not be much, but it's home." Flash said, sitting on the bed. He patted the bed for Twilight to sit next to him.

"So, what do you want to do first?" Flash asked as Twilight sat down.

"I don't really know." Twilight said, rubbing her chin. "I've … never really had sex before."

Flash was surprised. "Oh, really? Never?"

"Nope! But I know about it." Twilight looked at him innocently.

"Ooh, this could be a problem ..." Flash said. He took in a deep breath. "All right. Just follow my lead."

Twilight nodded. "Hm-hmm, hmm-hmm."

Flash gently raised his hand, then slowly brought to Twilight's breast like it might shatter if he touched it too hard or too suddenly.

Twilight blushed.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No. Keep going." Twilight smiled. Hesitantly, she raised her hand and did the same to Flash, touching his chest with her fingers. Flash chuckled at her naivety.

"It … doesn't work that way for guys, Twilight."

Twilight tilted her head like a lost puppy. "Why not?"

"Well, guys are, um, built differently."

Twilight seemed put-out. Flash did his best to recovery.

"But, um, if you draw a circle around it, some guys really like that!"

Twilight stared at him. "Do you?"

"Umm ..." he gently wrapped his other hand around her wrist and began guiding it in a circle. "Let's find out." Flash continued to steer her briefly before letting go and letting her do it on her own. They chuckled lightly.

"Okay … now this next step might get uncomfortable." Flash grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, undressing himself. He dropped his shirt to the floor. "Now you do it."

Twilight bit her lip. "Gee, I don't know ..."

"Hey, come on. It'll be fine."

"If you say so ..." Twilight repeated Flash's motions, grabbing her shirt and begin to pulling it up. She giggled mid-way through.

"Whoo!" Flash applauded her. "C'mon on, Twilight! You can do it!"

Twilight, encouraged, continued on and began rotating her midsection around, to Flash Sentry's enticement. His tongue popped out of his mouth as her soft, flat belly began shaking and jiggling around.

"Oh wow, Twilight … you can _really_ do it."

Twilight, ever the tidy one, neatly folded her shirt and placed under the pillow. "Thanks. So, what next?"

"Okay." Flash looked around. "You know you felt uncomfortable taking your shirty off?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, this next part is going to be really uncomfortable, so if you want to stop … just say so."

Flash reached down to his pants and started to unzip …

Aaaand then the door opened. Flash's mother came in, holding a tray with cookies and milk.

"Flaaash! It just occurred to me that you said you were skipping lunch at school, so I figured you and your friend would appreciate a nice warm meaaall …" She saw what Flash and Twilight were doing and let out a scream.

* * *

"Young lady, we do not do that sort of activity in this house!" Flash's mother yelled, pushing Twilight Sparkle out the door with her shirt forced on her half-wrong, with Twilight's arm poking through the hole for the head and her vision obscured by cloth. Flash's mother slammed the door. Twilight's first focus was to get her shirt back on right. Moments after she accomplished that, Flash Sentry stepped out the door.

"Hey, sorry about that."

"No problem." Twilight said. "Is everything okay? I wouldn't want to come between you and your mom."

"It'll be fine." Flash said. "She had the same reaction the first time Sunset and I had sex."

"Mh-hmm. And the second?"

"We broke up before there was a second." Flash rued.

"So, what do we do from here?" Twilight asked, twirling on her toes. "Does your past experience tell you what do when one's boyfriend's mother walks in on them and throws the girl out?"

"Usually, "break up with her," but I'll make an exception for you."

Twilight nudged his shoulder. "You are so corny."

"Don't pretend like you don't like it."

"Seriously, though. Where? I have a hole in my heart, and a burning in my abdomen."

Flash tapped his chin. "I know this nice park. It's really big and spacious."

"A park?" Twilight grimaced. "Gee, I don't know. What if someone sees us?"

"No one will see us." Flash assured her, looping his arm over her shoulders. "It's a big park! There are a few places we can go and sneak away to do our thing."

"If you say so … "

They went to the park. As Flash said, it was very big, spacious. Unlike what he said, it was very crowded.

"There are so many people here ..." Twilight muttered.

"It'll be all right." Flash assured her, grabbing her hand again. "I know a place near the forest where we can be alone." As before, he guided her into the woods where it was nice and dark, as the sun didn't pierce the canopy.

Eventually finding somewhere that was relatively clean, Flash Sentry swung Twilight around and gently pushed her to her knees. Twilight was not entirely appreciative.

"Ooof! Hey! You can't just swing me around and throw me like I'm sort of toy-!" Flash shut her up by leaping on top of her and pinning her, planting his lips on hers and shoving his tongue deep into her throat.

"Mmm ..." Twilight moaned as a red line ran across her cheeks and nose.

She appreciated that considerably more. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his back. "Mmm …"

Flash parted lips with her so they could speak.

"Let's do this right this time." Flash said, reaching for his zipper.

"Allow me." Twilight said, halting his hand and then putting her own on the zipper, brushing her fingers along his privates without knowing what she did. Flash grit his teeth at the unexpected brush.

"Flash?"

"I'm fine, Twilight. Keep-keep going." Flash let out a huff of pleased air.

Twilight moaned seductively and resumed what she was doing.

"Hey!" A deep voice shouted.

Twilight frustratedly threw her arms to the ground. "Oh, what now?"

Flash got off her and turned around to see a police officer approaching. Twilight pushed herself up. "Is there a problem, officer? Did we do something wrong?"

"Not yet, by the looks of it." The officer said, ruder than Twilight would have liked. "A nice woman saw this boy dragging you by the arms and got worried. But you're just a pair of lovebirds, aren't ya?"

Flash saluted. "Yes sir! That's all there is to it."

The officer nodded. "Well, keep it PG, you two. This is a family park." The officer left them alone.

Twilight glared angrily at Flash, disappointed and irritated. "Grrr!"

"Calm down. We'll try again." Flash raised his finger in the air. "I also know of this small lake nearby. Nobody ever goes there. It'll be fine."

"Where have I heard _that_ before?" Twilight grumbled.

Despite Twilight's doubt, she let Flash Sentry take her to the small lake – more of a pond, really. There was a wooden fence around which they easily stepped over.

Flash Sentry took the charge, taking off his shirt first and gently descending into the water. Twilight followed his lead, doing the same close behind him. Floating adrift in the water, Twilight grabbed Flash Sentry around his arms and embraced him tightly.

"Oh, Flash Sentry ..." Twilight moaned, admiring the reflection of light on the still water. "It's so romantic! I can't think of a better place to consummate our love!"

"Yeah." Flash agreed. "It's nice, isn't it?" He locked eyes with Twilight, both of them smiling sweetly at each other, their lusts steadily becoming more visible. They kissed tightly. Twilight was startled when she felt something … emerge from Flash and press against her thighs. She broke off the kiss and looked downwards, even though she couldn't see anything through the water.

"Flash, are you-"

"That's normal." Flash assured her. "Perfectly … normal." He smirked and pressed himself against her, squishing his mystery body part up against her. Twilight, despite her lack of experience with actual sex, knew he was doing something naughty.

"Oh, Flash Sentry ..." Twilight repeated, cupping his cheek. She threw her body on him, wrapping around him. "I'm tired of waiting! No more! Let's do it! Take me right now!"

"With pleasssuuu -eeeerrrrr ..." Flash's sentence trailed off.

Twilight raised her eyebrow. "It's not that good, is it? I mean, we haven't even started yet."

Flash grabbed her head, putting one hand on her hair and the other on her chin. He forcibly turned her around to look behind her, where the policeman from the park was standing at the edge of the lack, holding Twilight's blouse in his hand disapprovingly.

"Didn't I just bust you same kids for trying this at the park?" The officer asked. "This pond may not have a lot of traffic, but its still public property."

"AAAARGH!" Twilight screamed to the heavens, raising her arms and thrashing them in the water. "I just want to futterwacken Flash Sentry! Is that too much to ask!? IS THAT TOO MUCH FOR A PONY PRINCESS FROM AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION TO ASK!?"

The officer tilted his head. "Futterwacken?"

"Well, you heard her!" Flash said, coming to Twilight's defense. "She's a pony princess from an alternate dimension! She has different standards than ours."

The officer nodded, clearly not believing of Flash's story. "A princess. From an alternate dimension."

"It's true!" Flash insisted.

"Here!" Twilight said, determinedly climbing out of the water. "We can prove it!"

Twilight halted. She was half-out of the water and hunched over at officer's feet while topless. It took her a minute to realize that an offer to "prove it" to an officer while in that position could easily be interpreted the wrong way as … offer for certain … services.

The officer was thinking along the same lines, glaring at her.

"Umm …" Twilight reached her hand out to take her blouse. "Not like that, officer. If you'll just give me my shirt back and we could put my poor choice of words behind us … "

* * *

Despite the officer's obvious disbelief, he let the now-decent Twilight and Flash lead him to the statue in front of the high school where the portal was.

There was a crowd gathering around to see the portals. The connection between reality and unreality was weakening, as physical tendrils of dark creatures were now slowly oozing out of the portals. There were notices that class for the day had been canceled in light of the recent invasion by Lovecraftian beings.

"Holy F-f- Futterwacken!" The officer screamed, pulling out his sidearm. "What are those things!?"

"Cthuluic tentacles … Cthuloic? Cthuluian? Whatever. Not important. Come on." Twilight grabbed the officer's and Flash Sentry's arm, then pulled them towards the mirror and went through.

They landed gracefully enough on the other side. Flash Sentry assumed the form of a yellow pegasus, while the officer was a grey Earth pony still clad in police garb.

In front of them, where was a spawn from the portals – a huge green beast with one eye and several tentacles – lying on the ground, bleeding. Like something out of a JRPG. Princess Luna stood atop the beast, covered in blood and levitating an axe.

"Stars and garters!" The officer cried.

"Huzzah!" Luna cheered. "I, Princess Luna, am the best gladiator princess pony!"

There were cheers from Shining Armor and Equestria's version of Flash Sentry.

"Yes! Luna IS best gladiator princess pony!" Shining agreed before turning to Equestrian Flash. "Then again, that can't be a crowded field. I mean, how many gladiator pony princesses can there be?"

Celestia noticed Twilight and her group. "Hello again, Twilight Sparkle. I recognize Flash Sentry, but I'm not familiar with your new friend."

"Oh, he's not my friend." Twilight said, ignoring the officer's wandering eyes and stammering mouth. "Just somepony from the other side who didn't believe when I said I was a pony princess."

"Hmm." Celestia said, approaching him. "So you're a visitor from the other side?"

"My heavens!" The officer cried. "Look-look at this! This changes everything! This will rock the world upside down!"

"Yes, yes." Twilight said, taking Flash's hoof. "Fundamental altering of our understanding of the universe, intergalactic trade, meeting strange new creatures, and opening up new possibilities for science and disproving over a hundred accepted theories. Now, if you'll please excess me, I'd like to hump my boyfriend." Twilight began taking Flash along, only to be interrupted by the sound of something squishy and gross groaning.

She looked to see another creature emerging from the portals. It looked the same as the one Luna already killed, only purple and bigger.

"HAHAHAH!" Luna laughed. "YES! More combatants to test my mettle against!" There were cheers from the peanut gallery.

"Whoo!"

"Go, Princess!"

Twilight scoffed. "Huff. Typical violence-glorifying males, right, Princess Celestia?"

"WHOO! GO, SISTER, GO!" Celestia whinnied, rearing up. She noticed Twilight looking at her disapprovingly. Celestia put all fours on the ground and cleared her throat. "Um, yes, it is quite crude, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh." Twilight nodded, not buying it. "Oh, hey! Princess Luna! The other side needs help with the whole "Lovecraftian horrors bursting through" thing!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Luna said, chopping a tentacle. "Let me just kill this one and I'll deal with it."

Twilight sighed, feeling like she and Flash Sentry were never going to finally do it. That is, until she felt a tap on her back. She turned to see Princess Cadence smiling at her.

"So I hear you're in need of somewhere private do it with your boy toy?" Cadence said bluntly.

Twilight and Flash blushed. "Um, yes."

Cadence patted her wing. "I got your back, sister-in-law. Follow me."

Twilight and Flash trotted quietly behind Cadence, giving sparing glances over their backside at Luna's fight. Cadence took them to a door in the hallway and pushed it open.

The room was a very wide, circular room that appeared to have been a library, but there was a bed smack-dab in the middle of it.

"Just for you." Cadence told them, wrapping her legs around their shoulders. "I know you like books, Twilight, so I specifically got this room."

"Cadence! Thank you so much!" Twilight exclaimed before being confused. "But, why?"

"Well, with your brother, I know what it's like to be constantly interrupted." Cadence said. "Now, watch. I'm going to do a little something to help you out."

Cadence took to the air and cleared her throat, then spoke in the magic-enhanced ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE.

"ATTENTION, RESIDENTS OF THE CRYSTAL CASTLE! PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE WILL BE HAVING SEX IN THE BOOK ROOM OF THE THIRD-HIGHEST HALLWAY!"

Twilight facehooved. Intercourse was not something that a pony just ups and announces to a whole castle!

"IF ANYPONY INTERRUPTS, THEY WILL BE BEHEADED WITH PREJUDICED AND WITHOUT A FAIR TRIAL! AND IF YOU THINK I'M KIDDING; TRY ME, JOKERS!"

Cadence flew back, no longer using the Voice and smiling. "There you go!"

"Gee … thanks." Twilight said. For announcing what I was doing to a castle full of ponies, she added in her head.

"You're welcome!" Cadence gave them each a totally platonic smooch on the cheek. "Have fun!"

Twilight dragged Flash into the room, closing the door and locking before they could be interrupted again.

Flash looked around, trying to take it all. "Um, have I mentioned _I_ _have no idea how to have sex as a pony?_"

Twilight shrugged. "Can't be that different, right? Just … do what you normally do. You know, just with hooves instead of hands."

"I got to tell ya, I'm not so sure about doing it in a library ..." Flash looked around. "That gets you in trouble where I come from."

"Mm."

Twilight fell silent.

Flash kicked his hoof.

Twilight kicked her hoof.

Flash blinked.

"Mmm ..."

"Mmmyeeaah ..."

"What do you want do first?" Twilight asked, finally disrupting the tired pace. "Any ideas?"

Flash bit his lip. "When we were still in the human world, when you shook your stomach around while taking your shirt off, that was pretty nice to look at. Maybe you could, um, do it again?"

"Mh-hmm!" Twilight jumped up and stood on her hind legs, trying to recreate the same motions that she did.

Flash was disappointed. "It's … not as … sexy as a pony."

"Hmm. Well, what if I do this?" Twilight bounced onto her back, then folded her hooves around her stomach. Scrunching herself up, she rubbed her hind-knees into her belly and kneaded it with her front of hooves. Poking herself, squishing herself little waves of flesh being rolled around her big …. round, soft, chubby tummy … so very squishy … Flash appreciated just how round it was, thinking it was cute that Twilight would let herself develop a stomach like that, not realizing that it was about average size for an Equestrian her age.

Flash's cheeks were amber, and his wings were flitting nervously.

Twilight noticed and chuckled. "Flash! Do you … have a thing for bellies?"

"N-no!"

"Oh my gosh, your cheeks are redder than Big Macintosh's coat! You totally do!"

"No I don't!" Flash huffed, crossing his front legs.

Twilight gave a sort of "uh-huh, sure" smile. She spread her legs away from her stomach and shifted onto her side, giving Flash a very teasing view of it. Flash continued to be stubborn, so Twilight took her hoof and smacked herself good, making delightful ripples travel through it before she resumed kneading herself. Faced with this teasing, Flash admitted defeat.

"Okay! Fine!" Flash crawled over to her and put her mouth on her stomach, treating her belly button like a woman's breast, gently suckling on it like a baby.

Twilight giggled. This was the weirdest and dorkiest thing for him to be into, but he looked sooo cuuute nursing her like that, she couldn't bring herself to mock him for it.

Flash gave her a long, ticklish slurp, then slowly made drew his tongue down.

"F-Flash! That tickles!" Twilight snickered. "Hehehe – MMPH!" Twilight stared blankly, feeling an … intrusion. She looked down at where Flash's head was …

"F-Flash ..." Twilight stammered, no longer comfortable. Something warm and wet was inside her. "I'm not sure you should be down there ..." d

Flash separated from her, smacking his lips. "It's fine! I know what I'm doing."

Twilight whimpered, her wings scrunching up.

"But … if you don't want me to, I'll stop." Flash said.

"Thank you ..." Twilight said. "I'm sorry, I'm just still nervous."

"It's okay." Flash patted her back. "I understand. Do you want to stop completely?"

"N-no." Twilight said. "I … I still need some "loving.""

Flash nodded. Twilight rolled away from him, ashamed that she cut their evening short with her hesitance.

"Come on, Twilight." Flash nudged his head on her side. "We can still do other things!" He climbed on top of her and kneaded her stomach again, making her giggle. He bent down and blew a raspberry into her stomach.

"Flash!" Twilight chided with a blush and smile.

He reached his hooves around started rubbing the bases of her wings. He then leaned forward and starting licking her horn.

"Oh, really now, Flash ..."

"If you want me to stop ..."

"No, no, it's fine."

Flash continued licking, slurping on her horn like it was an ice pop before coiling his tongue around the grooves of her horn.

"Mmmm ..." Twilight moaned. "Now that feels good."

Flash kept licking her horn while rubbing her wings. Getting an idea, he trashed his tail about until it curled around her haunch and tickled her Cutie Mark.. "Hey!" Twilight loved what he was doing, even she was yelling about it. It felt so good to have the gentle pressure of his hooves on her, the tickles of his hair on her Cutie Mark. The wet heat from his tongue on her horn …

"Mmm … mmmmmmm …."

Flash stopped when her horn suddenly became warm by itself. He was startled to see that Twilight's horn was glowing.

"Twilight?"

"It's fine! Unicorn magic activates when the unicorn feels strong emotion. Like depression, fury …" Twilight narrowed her eyes into seductive slits. "Or arousal. Keep going."

Flash nodded and resumed licking, but it felt a bit odd to him now that her horn was warm. He kept going, like she asked.

"Oooh, ooh, ooh …." Twilight moaned. "Flash, I have an idea … put your mouth on it."

"What?"

"Put your mouth on it! Like when you suckled my stomach earlier …."

"Um, okay." Flash complied, putting his mouth around her horn and giving a very light, very timid suckle.

"Mmmm! MMMH!" Twilight yelled. Flash's eyes rolled into the back of his head as magic – pleasurable, unusual, spicy-tasting magic surged around his mouth.

Flash pulled back, indignation. "You're cheating! You're totally cheating!"

Twilight had no patience for this however, taking her hoof around his neck and forcing him back onto her horn. After a minute, his resistance crumbled, and he resumed suckling, coaxing the delicious mist out from her.

"Fl-Flash!" Twilight moaned. Her body started to buck and squirm while her moans steadily grew into yelps. Flash considered pulling back so he could give her a minute to breath, but that wasn't happening; her magic reached up and grabbed the inside of his mouth, gluing him to her. Her horn sparked and buzzed and sizzled like an electric socket that was about to overload and explode. The "pleasure mist" spell she was using went into overdrive, overwhelming Flash with the usual feeling of his mouth being full of cinnamony air.

Her horn got warmer and warmer, causing Flash to worry it was going to give him a scald. Her horn pulsed, then exploded, letting loose a spell that went straight down his throat, which he swallowed.

"Oooh!" Twilight yelled, parting from Flash and lying back while Flash was thrown off her by the force of the spell. She was panting, out-of-breath, and her horn was covered in saliva.

"Mmmph!" Flash moaned, appreciating the weird, but good taste of what just happened. They sat there for a moment, processing what just happened.

"That … that was a swallow-safe spell, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine." Twilight said. "I had control over the situation. I knew what I was doing."

Smoke began to twist its way out from the sides of Flash Sentry's mouth. He glared at Twilight.

"It's fine!"

"Twilight Sparkle, if something happens to me because of this, you'll have to answer to my mother." Flash warned her before there was a boom sound like a bomb going off, and Flash's stomach expanded. He looked down at it then looked at Twilight.

"Oooh …" Flash groaned rubbed his stomach. "Why do I feel so full?"

"Well, you clearly had a thing for round stomachs, so I figured ..." Twilight shrugged.

"Hmph. That's sweet of you to try, weird as your method may be." Flash said.

Flash rubbed his stomach again.

"You're sure this is safe?"

"Yes! If it doesn't go away within an hour, come see me again. I have a counterspell for it."

There was another BOOM and Flash patted his stomach again.

"Ooh … I guess this does feel really good." He blushed.

"Glad to hear it!" Twilight smirked to herself, satisifed.

"That was really sweet of you … to... expand my stomach like this. As weird as that is, I can appreciate the thought behind the gesture, and its the thought that counts."

"Hmm. Well …."

"Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yes?"

Flash gave her a quick peck. "I love you."

"Awww! … I love you, Flash Sentry. Well, we should be going on."

* * *

They stepped outside the room to a most unwelcoming sight.

Apparently, various residents of the castle decided it would be funny, after Cadence's comment, to dress themselves up like The Joker, with white facepaint, green hair dye, and purple suits.

"All right, very funny." Cadence said, brandishing an ax nearly three times as big as the one Luna had. "But I meant what I said earlier; you come near this door, your head is MINE!"

Twilight coughed. "Um, actually, Princess Cadence, we finished."

"Oh?" Cadence turned around, dropping the ax and smiling. "Did you have a good time? Did you express your feelings for each other?" Cadence noticed Flash's distended stomach. "And you experimented. Nice."

Twilight scuffed her hoof. "I really don't want to have this conversation with you. Or anyone. Ever. EVER."

Twilight and Flash went to the mirror, where Luna was racking up corpses of Lovecraftian spawn, which were getting bigger and bigger and tentacler. The other ponies were dressed in sports garb, with foam fingers. (how a society of hooved creatures developed foam hands is beyond the purvey of this story)

Twilight, Cadence and Flash Sentry went up to the mirror, where the officer from eariler was still shellshocked. Luna saw Cadence's axe and her dropped, clearly jealous that Cadence had bigger ax than her.

"So you'll leaving then?" Cadence asked Flash.

"Yup." He gave Twilight another peck. "Love ya. See you again sometime?" Twilight nodded.

"Take your friend with you." Cadence said, levitating the officer onto Flash Sentry's back. Flash gave a wave and hopped through the mirror while everypony waved him goodbye.

"Okay, Luna." Celestia said. "Time to close the mirror before something truly nasty spawns out. No more monster-slaying for today."

"Awww!" Luna groaned like a child. "Just one more?"

"No!"

While Celestia and Luna bickered, Twilight turned to leave, only to bump into Equestrian Flash Sentry.

"Oh! Flash Sentry. I didn't see you there."

"It's all right."

"So, um ..." Twilight scraped her hoof. "Are you all right that between the two of you, I prefer the alternate universe of you!"

Flash shook his head. "Not at all!"

He wrapped his wing around and brush his cheeks with her.

"Provided you don't mind the idea of a … threesome in the future?"

Poor Twilight didn't know what to think. She was saved from responding by the emergence of Celestia in a suit poking her head from the mirror – Principal Celestia.

"Yes, hi, hello?" Principal Celestia asked, pulling her front hoof out and showing that it was wrapped in tentacles. "A little help with the whole ancient demons coming from the earth thing?"

Princess Celestia glared at Luna, who was holding her axe protectively and guiltily biting her lip.

"LUNA! I told you to fix it!"

Fin.

* * *

**Author's Notes for "All Twilight Wants to Do is Futterwacken Flash Sentry"**

**Don't hate me. **

**This was a request that I fumbled myself into doing. **

**Sunset and Rarity being in a relationship is a shout-out to "For The Love of a Few Colors" by Sadie on Fim fiction. It's pretty great.**

**Using the word "Lovecraftian" in the narration seemed like a copout, but it was word that was simple, easy to understand, and communicated my intent.**

**"Futterwacken" is, of course, from Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.**

**I basically told myself that whatever I wanted to write was okay as long Flash Sentry and Twilight Sparkle had heartwarming sex at the end.**

**I feel kind of bad now, because he made the request based on my work on "A Poison Most Intimate: What If" and instead of treating it like A Poison Most Intimate, I treated it like "Sensual Spirals" (Shying Up To Sunsets and Buffin' Up To Sinnytars-series) which are humorous and quirky rather than sensual and sultry like the Poison series.  
**

**But then again, I couldn't bear to make myself write a Flash Sentry/Twilight fanfiction if was anything BUT a quirky humour piece with lots of mocking for Boyfriend McBland over here.**


End file.
